Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I have been in a relationship for 5 years. It hasn’t always been bad but I’m starting to feel like it’s time to move on. We are both in our early 30’s. We don’t have any kids together but I do have a son from another relationship. My boyfriend works full-time and he’s a good provider to both of us. The problem I have is that he never wants to go out. He’s always saying he’s tired but I think it’s because he’s just cheap. I used to understand because the type of job he has does make him do a lot of overtime but I feel like he never has time for me.  We argue about it all of the time. He thinks I would feel differently if I was working, which I think is a low blow. I lost my job 6 months ago and have been considering going back to school but am still undecided on what I want to major in. At first he was supportive of me going back to school but now it doesn’t seem like it anymore. When I was working we hung out and he talked, a lot, about us getting a house together. Now he doesn’t even mention it. I’m beginning to think the relationship is over.

My opinion:

First, thank you for being my very first just my opinion post!

Now…

I have to be honest with you. From the outside looking in and with the history you have provided, it sounds like your BF is frustrated and you are being insensitive to what he is now dealing with.

I’m going to assume that prior to 6 months ago you were, consistently, employed. Planning the type of future your BF had in mind was contingent on you being an active participant. Right now, you’re a third mouth to feed. The cost of living on one salary may be doable for one person but there are three of you. Maybe, you did go out occasionally when you were employed but that’s the point, you were employed. There were two salaries to feed the lifestyle you were living and to take care of your necessities-food, housing, electricity, etc. When you downgrade financially, its poor prioritization to think that you can still live a two income lifestyle, unless you have substantial savings to fall back on and even then I would think you would want to use that sparingly if you are going to be out of work for an extended amount of time. Which leads me to part 2.

I don’t think your BF is no longer supportive of you going back to school. I think after 6 months of what you say is indecisiveness, he probably feels that you don’t intend on actually enrolling. Is there a reason why you have not been able to find employment in 6 months? Even if you were unable to find full-time employment, there are still temp agencies that may be able to help your situation. It sounds, to me, like you’ve gotten comfortable. I don’t think the relationship is bad, I think you are making bad decisions and are trying to blame someone else for it.

If you want to leave your 5 year committment because your BF is not able to take you out like he used to but is making sure all of your needs and your son’s needs are taken care of, by all means go. Your BF doesn’t need that kind of stress in his life.

That’s just my opinion.

If you would like my opinion, please complete the contact form below. Name and email are not necessary, however, if you would like notification when your situation will be displayed on The Blog Dahlia, please include an email address.

 

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12.31.16-New Year’s Eve To You But So Much More To Me

1 YEAR
12 MONTHS
365 DAYS
8,760 HOURS
525,600 MINUTES
315,360,000 SECONDS

A couple of months ago I came across a blog post about a very interesting topic. When I saw the title of the post I immediately raised not one but both eyebrows and let out a quick hmm. As I read the content two thoughts occurred to me,  1) the writer of the post was a genius for being able to create such a wonderful deductive comparison between life and love and 2) someone was finally able to crack the code on my life of love. I chose to hold off on writing about this gem of an evaluation specifically for today.

This particular post described three different loves that we experience throughout our lifetime. I’m not sure what will resonate to you when you read it but it concisely read me my rights. As described, I went through the first love, I’m a survivor of the second and now here I am. All of the hard relationship work is finally paying off. Life no longer seems like a fuzzy blur.

Our story is 29 years in the making, even longer than that if you can believe some of the interesting facts surrounding us. I, officially,  met him through a mutual friend while in junior high school. The irony is that we never spoke one on one, we were always in a group. His memory about me back then surpasses mine, tenfold. He remembers the way I used to wear my hair, the way I used to sit in my bedroom window with my arms folded and just shake my head at the silly conversations our mutual friends had. I only remember bits and pieces. He remembers vivid details. Before we reached this point in our lives, he also experienced the first love and survive the second.

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We reconnected on Facebook, sarcastic surprise! But even though we were Facebook friends, we never interacted with each other except for the yearly happy birthday courtesy of the Facebook notification. There were no hi, how are you’s or anything. For two years we scrolled past photo and status updates until a quick scroll and eye trickery on a celebrity image (he would kill me if I told which celebrity) made me think it was him. When I realized the faux pas, I tagged him in the image and describe what happened. This was our first contact at the end of the second year of us becoming Facebook friends it was also the night before my birthday.

We messaged each other via Facebook for 3 days before he gave me his number.  It would be another two days before I actually called because I wasn’t sure I wanted him to have mine. You see, I had built a mental wall around me for the purpose of not letting anyone in. The diligence of a determined man is like no other. We were pretty much telephonically inseparable after that. We lived 2 hours away from each other so an actual face-to-face wasn’t in the cards or at least that’s what I told myself. It turns out he didn’t mind driving 2 hours even if it was only to spend 1 hour just to get back on that 2 hour ride back. His actions and memory made it hard to discredit the crush he said he had all those years ago.

We found out a lot about each other that still has us both in awe. We found out that we have always lived in close proximity of one another since we were aged in the single digits I’m not just talking about the same neighborhood, either, we lived on the same street! We relocated together but never knew each other. Now here we were again living in the same state 2 hours away from each other. So what’s so special about that well we moved from the same state to the same state 6 months apart. Oh yeah, I almost forgot we also have matching birthmarks on our left thumb mine is lighter while his is darker and much like our wedding bands mine is thinner and his is wider.

I can’t say for sure why, throughout the years, we have always been so near yet so far to each other. For decades, we orbited each other in a seemingly parallel universe, one oblivious to the other. My theory is that we were always meant to be but in order for us to truly appreciate the role we were meant to have in our union, life had to teach us a few things and we were slow learners. We were seduced by the imagery of love the first time and the Venom of its Wrath the second time now we are in a place where we can create our own fairy tale because we know how to build upon the traits that we need so they can manifest into the traits that we want.

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On 12/31/15 exactly one year after we officially realized that the powers that be were pushing us together no matter how hard we tried to convince ourselves that we were done with love, my husband and I were married. We are still shocked!  For us there was no better way to end one year and begin another.

If you don’t have a best friend that can walk beside you when you’re strong and carry you with no hesitation when you’re weak you’re missing out. I would tell you to go out and look for the love you want but then you wouldn’t be home when the love you need comes knocking. I’m glad I was home.

“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”-Brad Paisley

Pulling the Weeds and Trimming the Hedges.

And this just in:

“I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me you were one of them.”~unknown

So nice, I had to say it twice! The second time doesn’t sound as cruel as the first. At this stage of your life change, it actually might be music to your ears.

Now that your mind has been recruited, it’s time to make a few necessary adjustments in the who, what, when, where and why’s of your social circle, both personal and professional. Not everyone will be happy with your steps towards change and you will find that you may need to change the people around you. No worries! Your change is for a better you not a bitter them.

Not all of your old friends and associates will be able to or even want to speak your new language. Running with the same crowd may make you feel like the odd man or woman out, especially if your goal is to change some of the mutual habits shared that you want to lose but they wish to keep.  Those behaviors may be a negative impact on all of the progress, regardless of how small, you have made and you just don’t need it! Switch it up. Find local or online groups of like-minded individuals that you can interact with. Go to museums, art galleries or do volunteer work at an agency of your choice that will keep you in step with your goals. Whatever compliments your mental framework, just do it!

Next, is it time to move on professionally? If your current employment venture is failing to adequately meet your needs, it may be. I don’t, however, recommend storming into your boss’s office spewing different forms of profanity and then quitting on the spot. While it may be a great source of temporary gratification, it would certainly be the end of work as you know it. Instead, brainstorm. Think about the possible options available to you. Is there room for advancement? Are there other departments that may be more suitable for your needs? If you do need to seek out other opportunities are you qualified to meet the demand or will you require formal educational training?

Whatever you decide, stick to the plan. Only you know where you want to go. If you have prepared yourself mentally, you will successfully navigate around issues as they occur. If you have begun cultivating an environment that will enable you to grow, you’ve already won half the battle. No plan is without flaws so you should expect setbacks, within reason. Do your best not to succumb to discouragement and just keep pushing!

 

 

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

The Mental Preparation

“Your mind is where your problem is in the first place”. ~Sylvia Nasar, A Beautiful Mind.

As mentioned in my previous post, Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Change?, transitioning from the person you are to the person you desire to be is a far cry from being simple. Mental preparation should be the first step in your journey for change. Well, maybe not the first step. You do need to be able to recognize when change is essential. Once hindsight has been discovered, then the process can begin.

The way you mentally process information and situations today may not be appropriate or provide room for growth in where you see yourself tomorrow. Your thoughts can manifest into your actions. If you envision yourself on the road to happiness or success you will physically place yourself on that path. Likewise, if you are pessimistic in thinking you will see many unproductive days.

It’s ill-advised to think that real change can happen overnight! Don’t get me wrong, your situation can be one way today and a different way tomorrow, by chance. That doesn’t necessarily indicate true long-term change or even a stable one, for that matter, if you are not mentally prepared to make it so. Securing your mindset enables you to hold yourself accountable for every thought, decision, and action that pertains to anything you do when you are in a season of transition and beyond. You may find it beneficial to talk less and observe more. This doesn’t imply that you should not speak up it simply means sometimes, when you incessantly verbalize, you block out the lesson that’s being taught. During your mental transition, its all about learning new ways and molding them into your own self structured life plan.

To help you gain clarity, try these suggestions:

  1. Meditate
  2. Keep a journal to help you stay focused.
  3. Recognize triggers that offset your peace. Find a new more positive way to deal with them or, if you can, get rid of them all together.
  4. Replace negative thoughts and emotions with positive alternatives.
  5. Surround yourself with people who are supportive.
  6. Incorporate new daily routines that serve as a pathway toward your desired goals.

Again I say, mental preparation is by far the hardest part of the change process. You are, after all, attempting to redirect what is now a hard-wired thought design that is years in the making. Even more challenging is that a mental change is not a cosmetic attribute and, the way our hard wired thoughts are set up, any change or anything new needs to be visible. We like to flaunt it. What is there to possibly flaunt when we are on mental haywire balancing act? FLAUNT YOUR FOCUS!!!

Listen, if you are one who still has major concern about what someone else may see when they look at you during YOUR season of personal change, then you are already sabotaging your success. It doesnt matter what they see! What is your vision for yourself?  What do you see?

 

 

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Change?

Over the next few days I will be sharing my opinion on the importance of something we all need yet many despair.

“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.~ Robin Sharma

The only thing harder than personal change is finding that needle in the haystack. Over the years we have been introduced to various aspects of various lives. Some we’ve adopted, some we’ve outright refused, and others we’ve tested but didn’t like the taste. In case you didn’t know, change is imminent. There’s no way around it. Sometimes the change you want may not be the change you get and the change you need may not be the change you want.

“We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.” ~Max De Pree

If there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be? Have you thought about all of the actions that would need to take place in order for you to achieve what you really want? Have you already begun preparing yourself mentally, physically, financially or any other way necessary to become who you feel you are destined to be? Let me tell you, its NOT easy! Everyone has a different aspiration for where they want their life to go and, because of that difference, everyone’s journey will be different. The work they have to put in will be different. It’s impossible to measure the outcomes of your desired situation by the actions of others. It is also foolish to think that if you remain the same change will occur anyway. That the equivalent of constantly squeezing apples and waiting for orange juice to appear. If you want change, you have to be prepared to get down in the trenches and square up with your opposition.

If you are like most people, you actually want change. You know change is good but you are also a victim of your own irrational fear that leads you to dread the actual process of it. Fear is a natural feeling but ask yourself this, if things were to always remain the same, how would you learn something new? Do you want to evolve or do you want to become obsolete?

Being afraid of change equates to:

You being stuck waiting for the familiar bus and letting the bus with all of the opportunities just ride past.

Acknowledging change equates to:

Being ready to walk in your own light. It’s okay to enjoy the shine from someone else. It’s beneficial when the shine is your own.

Embracing change equates to:

You no longer jumping on the bandwagon when you know you should be piloting the plane. Too often, people underestimate their own capabilities and seek the easy way out by following the leader. Embrace change! Hop off that wagon and do your own thing.

The goal is to be successful with your change. Don’t aim for major changes in a small amount of time, especially, if you have big goals. That’s a recipe for disaster. Start off subtly and build your way to a new you with new habits. Try dedicating a specific day to a specific task on your to-do list, and focus on that task only. If you can squeeze in another item after that is completed, then go for it. If not, tomorrow’s another day. Just stay committed!

“I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me you were one of them.”~unknown

I know that sounds cruel but it’s the truth. Sometimes you have to sever ties with things or people who are not contributing to your progress but are, instead, holding you back. It’s not being selfish. It’s taking control of self. Knowing who and what you need to get rid of in order to make your change become a reality may be, perhaps, one of the most difficult things to decide. You may be put in a position where you feel you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or maybe that person is too nice or that person has never done anything to you that you deem worthy of a chop. That may be so. In contrast, ask yourself, has that person ever been a top or even bottom contributor to your success? Do you here Erykah Badu singing Bag Lady?

Surround yourself with a melting pot of like-minded individuals. Remember, you all don’t have to have the same interests but you should understand the need for encouragement and the desire to encourage for the sake of each other’s success.

 

 

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

Choosing to be Better

A quick check-in as another week is nearing it’s end.

Sundays are notorious for being church, laundry, house cleaning, big meal cooking, sports watching or do nothing all day kind of days because the new week – be it a work week, school week or homemaker week – is about to begin.

Regardless of what you have to look forward to in the upcoming days, are you happy to face them as the same person you were yesterday? You probably met deadlines – barely, interacted with people in a not-so-great mood, started a new diet with a little enthusiasm and a lot of self-doubt, or had a mountain of items on your to-do list and only managed to check off the box for the things you didn’t get done. Maybe  your milestones were at the other end of the spectrum. Maybe you jogged that extra mile, drunk more water, or spent less time on social media and more time with family.

Whatever your flow was this week do it better next week. Think about what you can do to push yourself forward and what you need to do to eliminate those things that keep you stagnant. Make a greater effort to host a positive atmosphere because the energy you give off has a way of finding it’s way back to you. Take small steps each day to be better than you were yesterday. Remember, little things can turn into big things if you focus on it long enough. Just be wise about which little thing you want to grow.

Enjoy!

 

 

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Through the Looking Glass

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak with the husband of a woman who had recently passed away. This was my first time ever speaking with him but I immediately felt a connection. He wasn’t sad about her passing. In fact, he was happy to share feelings about his wife’s life and death as well as his own. He said talking about it kept the sadness at bay. Listening to him pushed a multitude of emotions through my system. It made me happy, sad, nostalgic, curious and enthusiastic. It also made me appreciate and respect all that life is and can be.

He spoke about his past and, being an older African American man born and raised in southern Alabama in the late 1930’s, his past was full of good, bad, and ugly. He talked about cousins lost to lynchings, brothers tarred and feathered, sisters raped by white men, and friends beat beyond recognition because they looked at a white woman.

He talked about watching his mother struggle to make ends meet when his father had to leave home for long periods of time just to find work, and often coming back empty handed. Altogether, there were 11 of them-his father, mother, 6 brothers, 2 sisters and himself.  The lucky seven. That’s what his mother called them. All 7 of her sons lived through a time when many became strange fruit or alligator bait. He remembered how they all would pitch in to help earn money to put food on the table-cleaning yards, chopping wood, delivering groceries and anything else they could find to do. He remembered a time when the only thing he could call shoes was the 2 pieces of cardboard that he had to tie to his feet-but he still went out and chopped that wood. He said his momma taught him how to cook, too, and that’s why his wife married him.

When he and his wife met they were both getting over previous relationships and had children of their own. He remembered how fond his mother was of his wife. She told him, ‘don’t you hold that gal in a drawn out situation if you dont want to hold her heart through life. She’s better than that last one you had and she deserves better than that last one she had’.  He told me he was almost certain, to the best of his old mind, that those were his mother’s exact words. Then she asked him what he was going to do.

I now pronounce you husband and wife…

As a couple, they had been married for 54 years. They had their ups and downs, which is to be expected in any relationship, but they never gave up. I listened to him reminisce about the different things that they did together. He laughed at how often his southern charm put him in hot water. His wife was a firecracker and she didn’t take no mess. She had been sick for a long time, cancer, and as much as it brought him joy to see her smile, his heartache tripled to watch her suffer.

Towards the end, he had become sick himself and had to be admitted to the hospital. “I got that wheezing problem and have a hard time breathing”, he told me-asthma. His wife was supposed to come visit but his daughter called and said she hadn’t been feeling well and was taken to different hospital. He said when he was discharged, he would go visit his wife and, even laying in the last bed she would rest on, she would vibrantly cuss him out for that old southern Alabama charm and those nurses.

Till Death, Do Us Part…

On her last day, he had an appointment and wouldn’t be able to get to the hospital until later in the day. He said she called him. She sounded tired but he was used to hearing her like that. He said she asked him how much longer before he would get to the hospital because she was trying to wait for him but it was getting too hard. He knew what she meant. He said he told her not to worry because he would be there even if she wasn’t. They exchanged I love you’s and said their goodbye’s. That was the last time they spoke.

I allowed him to speak for well over an hour and in that hour he was able to recount what took more than 54 years to live. Yes, he was going to miss his wife. Their lives together was the equivalent of a single strand of dna. He would miss her but he will always find her in those memories as long as he was able.

Remember those emotions I mentioned earlier? Well, I was happy because I was blessed to be able to get a glimpse of the past through the eyes of a stranger. Nostalgic because he made me think of my childhood and how vastly different it was from his. My sadness was because, like most children, I didn’t recognize or appreciate my parents and the sacrifices they made as much as I could have. My curiosity and enthusiasm made me think about all the things that were to come. I don’t know the order of my steps but I’m looking forward to where they may lead. I appreciate this man for allowing me a glimpse at his life. I now have a more heightened respect for those older than myself. The next time you encounter an elderly person, I hope you are as lucky as I was to have been taken through the looking glass. I know I will never speak with this man again but I thought it would be appropriate to give him recognition.

Thank you, Mr. Gordon!

 

 

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Reversing Murphy’s Law or, at least, remaining sane while it wreaks havoc.

For those of you who are not familiar with Murphy’s Law it simply states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Feels good to have a name for the chaos in your life now, doesn’t it?

Have you ever had one of those days where Murphy’s Law and all of his friends camped out at the foot of your bed and followed you around all day? I’m talking about one of those days where, after you get off of work, pick the kids up from school or whatever your daily ritual is, you find yourself at the grocery store intending to get something for dinner but, instead, you purchase 3 bottles of wine, two tubs of ice cream, some cereal and some milk. The day you had may have been so overwhelming that this form of splurging is all that made sense at that moment.

I do believe that, to a great extent, we can control the positive and negative energies that we interact with which can influence 1) who we are, 2) our actions and 3) our reactions. If you wake up in the morning and the first thing you think to yourself is that you are going to have a feces filled day, that’s exactly what you’re going to have to look forward to. You’re allowing yourself to be consumed by negativity. You move through your day thinking it’ll all be fine once you get home or it’ll all be fine once this day is over but, the truth is, if your mind is trained to seek out all of the negative shades in any situation, you wont be fine. Every day, without fail you will repeat the same thing over and over again. The problem may not be the situation the problem may be you.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
-Anais Nin

Don’t believe it? Think about that friend, family member or coworker that does NOTHING BUT COMPLAIN. Everything that can go wrong with that person does go wrong. When was the last time you heard that person say something genuinely positive that did not have genuinely negative undertones? My guess would be Neveruary 32nd 1800 BC. Have you ever assessed the situation only to be more confused because there was no clear issue to be found? That person just may be negative soul seeker. Don’t be that person!

I’ve learned to live with, laugh at, learn from and love every part of my crazy days-even when I hate them. If you think about it, what good would it do for you to submit your anger to problems that you have no control over? It doesn’t change the fact that the problems exist and it, definitely, doesn’t bring resolve. I don’t know about your problems but mine can be very resilient and borderline hardcore bullies that laugh in the face of my anger. So, if you find yourself constantly in the grips of Murphy’s Law, give him a wedgie. That’s what my son did to a bully on his school bus and it seems to have worked.

On a serious note, these ideas worked for me and maybe they will help you too.

  1. Find focal points that convey positive thoughts. Pictures usually make great focal points.
  2. Know your anger threshold. Breakaway BEFORE you reach a level unreasonable feelings.
  3. Set meaningful but reasonable goals for yourself. These are very positive reinforcements that you actually can control. I’m a control freak so when I have my own goal that no one else has access to as long as I remain focused. I. REMAIN. FOCUSED.
  4. Throw some optimism at ’em. I have won many internal and external conflicts with an ounce of optimism.
  5. If you can’t gain some positive mileage, take a look at your surroundings. It might be time to change your environment and the familiar faces in it.

Listen, life knows how to go all out for the best comedy drama of the year award. The only thing is that the actors don’t usually find it funny. When I’m up for nomination, instead of flipping the bird and rearranging my letters to form various sequences of curse words – okay maybe I do do that (do, do/ do-do 🤔…I hate when my word-formation forms other unintentional words). Anyway, yes, those actions are done by me. Is that better? I try not let those things consume me. I still manage to get past the irony that is a part of life. Yes, I may need to take a step back,  inhale and exhale but then i regroup. It’s doesn’t have to be permanent and I’m not going to let it determine how the rest of my day goes. So the next time you wake up, breathe life into the kind of day you want to have not the kind of day you want not to have. Heck, why wait? You can do it now!

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Domestic Violence

I never cease to be amazed at the foolishness that travels the lines of media across the world. By now you may have heard about the Moroccan TV show that aired a tutorial to teach women who have been victimized at the hands of their domestic abusers how to apply makeup to cover their bruises. After numerous head shakes, I have finally been able to form words that can animate some of my thoughts.

I am appalled that a mainstream Moroccan network channel would deem it appropriate to make domestic violence beautiful. Then I remember, it’s Morocco. A place where, just yesterday (actually 2004 but it seems like yesterday since woman have existed for what, forever maybe), the Moudawana, or family code, was amended to increase some of the rights of women but made no attempt to address or label domestic violence or marital rape as a crime. All hope, however, is not lost for the women of Morocco. They have been extended options:

  • Report the abuse but receive no protection from the offender until after the investigation of allegations are completed. Leaving the victim vulnerable to the unthinkable.

“I do not see how intimate acts between men and women that cannot be defined or proven can be penalized.” -Justice Minister Mustapha Ramid

  • Leave their abuser but, please, do not look forward to any financial assistance or shelter and be prepared to live a stigmatized life.

No, all hope is not lost because there was never any hope to begin with. How sad it must be to think that it is easier to apply makeup to a battered face than it is to seek justice. How equally horrifying it is to view domestic violence as a way of life as many women do. This Newsweek article further highlights the horrors faced by Moroccan woman.

Life for women in Morocco is far from unique and, before anyone decides to pull the cultural or religious card, let me fly the pigeon with the not so new message. Domestic violence is a widespread contagion from sea to sea, from Australia  to Zimbabwe . It does not submit only to a cultural sect. It does not care who you pray to or how you dress. It has no eyes and, therefore, does not see race, color, age, sexuality or gender as a reason to divert its offense.

Domestic violence is a relentless threat to the sanity and existence of society. There is so much more to it than the visible marks it leaves. It causes, depression, anxiety, PTSD, low self esteem, hatred of self and suicidal and homicidal ideation. The psychological effects are, also, not just present in the victim. It trickles down to the children, family and friends who witness or are aware of the situation.

Domestic violence spins a large web of fear and hate and it is, in my opinion, an insult to women worldwide to suggest ways to simply cover it up. Next time, try suggesting tougher laws to protect the victims and their families. Next time, make suggestions on ways to improve family life to prevent domestic violence. Next time, donate time, money, clothing, etc to domestic violence shelters. Next time be a part of the solution. The problem doesn’t need beautification.

Here are some links to true domestic violence experiences from around the world.

Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria (dvrcv)

Good gone bad

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

A Cup of Coffee

It’s amazing how normal everyday things can be a source of inspiration when you have the desire to write. Something as simple as a cup of coffee can help you tell a story.

Imagine sitting across from someone whom you haven’t seen in years. Imagine, placed between the two of you, a table on which sat two mugs of freshly brewed coffee. Imagine your surroundings. Are you at home or at a local coffee shop? Imagine the weather. Is the sun dominating the sky or are the clouds flexing their muscles? Imagine the face of a person who you’ve missed who now sits at this table with you and those two cups of coffee.

Here’s what I would want my person to know.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about the road that I’ve travelled. The experiences I’ve had and the lessons I’ve learned.

If we were having coffee, I would share stories about my children. You would be as proud of them as I am.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I still have not found anyone who could make cornbread and lemonade quite the way you do and, no matter how many times you gave me the recipe, I knew it just wouldn’t be the same.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you how much I missed summers at your house when I was a little girl.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you how I still laugh at the memories of you hopping from one foot to the next doing the ‘Ooga Booga’ dance just to get Vicky to eat.

If we were having coffee, I would ask you whatever happened to that blue blanket that Richie refused to leave home without. The one that you could only wash when he was asleep. Then I would tell you that you were a genius in successfully getting rid of it altogether.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you how spoiled Freddy was but then you already knew because you were the one who did it. You spoiled me too.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you to drink yours very slow so I could cherish every moment until it was time for us both to go. ❤

What would you say to your person?