I have been in a relationship for 5 years. It hasn’t always been bad but I’m starting to feel like it’s time to move on. We are both in our early 30’s. We don’t have any kids together but I do have a son from another relationship. My boyfriend works full-time and he’s a good provider to both of us. The problem I have is that he never wants to go out. He’s always saying he’s tired but I think it’s because he’s just cheap. I used to understand because the type of job he has does make him do a lot of overtime but I feel like he never has time for me. We argue about it all of the time. He thinks I would feel differently if I was working, which I think is a low blow. I lost my job 6 months ago and have been considering going back to school but am still undecided on what I want to major in. At first he was supportive of me going back to school but now it doesn’t seem like it anymore. When I was working we hung out and he talked, a lot, about us getting a house together. Now he doesn’t even mention it. I’m beginning to think the relationship is over.
First, thank you for being my very first just my opinion post!
I have to be honest with you. From the outside looking in and with the history you have provided, it sounds like your BF is frustrated and you are being insensitive to what he is now dealing with.
I’m going to assume that prior to 6 months ago you were, consistently, employed. Planning the type of future your BF had in mind was contingent on you being an active participant. Right now, you’re a third mouth to feed. The cost of living on one salary may be doable for one person but there are three of you. Maybe, you did go out occasionally when you were employed but that’s the point, you were employed. There were two salaries to feed the lifestyle you were living and to take care of your necessities-food, housing, electricity, etc. When you downgrade financially, its poor prioritization to think that you can still live a two income lifestyle, unless you have substantial savings to fall back on and even then I would think you would want to use that sparingly if you are going to be out of work for an extended amount of time. Which leads me to part 2.
I don’t think your BF is no longer supportive of you going back to school. I think after 6 months of what you say is indecisiveness, he probably feels that you don’t intend on actually enrolling. Is there a reason why you have not been able to find employment in 6 months? Even if you were unable to find full-time employment, there are still temp agencies that may be able to help your situation. It sounds, to me, like you’ve gotten comfortable. I don’t think the relationship is bad, I think you are making bad decisions and are trying to blame someone else for it.
If you want to leave your 5 year committment because your BF is not able to take you out like he used to but is making sure all of your needs and your son’s needs are taken care of, by all means go. Your BF doesn’t need that kind of stress in his life.
That’s just my opinion.
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