The Top 25 Things I Don’t Understand.


  1. Morning people. You know who you are. You guys wake up like the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil and immediately start hurling your good mornings and chipper smiles all over the place. I secretly hate you!
  2. People who watch tv shows that you dislike but insist on having a full-blown, one-sided conversation with you in an attempt to convert you.
  3. People who invite you to their home to sit around and do nothing. I can save gas and do nothing at my home by myself.
  4. People who call and have nothing to talk about so now we’re just going to spend 15 minutes listening to each other breathe.
  5. People who are trying to say bruh but say brrrr. I’m confused. Are you cold? Just stop saying both words, please!
  6. People who say skreet. I hate you for making me check the dictionary to see if that was actually a word!
  7. People who put a T in shrimp. For the millionth time, THERE IS NO T IN S-H-R-I-M-P!
  8. Close talkers. They sure know how to back you up into a corner, don’t they?
  9. Cable TV. You pay all of that money for all of those channels and they show the same movies back-to-back, over and over again.
  10. Group messaging. Please just tell me what’s going on after you all decide.
  11. Passwords. I can’t be the only one who is tired of changing my password because I can’t remember the password because in order to save the password it has to be one that no one can guess, including myself!
  12. Automatically. ..No, autocratic…Nooo, autoclave…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AUTO CORRECT DAMNIT!! Now I’m mad!
  13. People who post selfishness…grrrr…SELFIES every hour. Enough already. We know what you look like. Absolutely, nothing has changed about you. Oh you have on a hat? GREAT! It looks stupid. Please stop!
  14. Body odor. If I can smell you, why can you not smell yourself? If I say do you smell onions and you say yes, is it not obvious that you are the onion?
  15. People who drive too close. Riding my tail is not going to get you to your destination any sooner. On another note, you’re probably a close talker too.
  16. People who take forever to order at a fast food restaurant. The menu hasn’t changed people!!
  17. Ridiculous ‘hair helmets’. I love for my hair to look good just like most people but this horrendous wig epidemic is going to far. If you’re going to wear one at least put it on right. If your head isn’t pointy at the top, then your wig shouldn’t be either. And please, PLEASE pin it down so it can stop sliding!
  18. People who wear too much makeup but then say they’re afraid of clowns.
  19. Hypocrites who verbalize everything they are against but secretly do.
  20. People who prefer to eat your food over theirs. I am one of these people. I just don’t understand why yours tastes better than mine. Yes, I know it’s the same thing.
  21. The spoon, fork, and matching socks conspiracy. Where do they go?
  22. The sudden burst of energy at 11 o’clock at night that lasts for 4 hours and then challenges you to wake up on time for work.
  23. People who dress for the body they want and not the body they have. Do you really think it looks good or are you hoping no one notices?
  24. People who buy Christmas trees the day before Christmas. WTF? Why?
  25. People who buy Christmas trees       ON Christmas. My WTF needs a         WTF! When, exactly, do you take the tree down?



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