Okay, here’s my dilemma. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 8 years with my boyfriend. We decided early on in the relationship that neither of us wanted to get married or have children and that has not changed but I think I am getting bored. I’m beginning to feel like this isn’t the type of relationship for me. The funny thing is I think he feels the same way.
He’s a great guy. He’s polite, respectful, has a good job and is responsible. He’s just not fun or romantic. When he tries to be romantic it seems really awkward and almost comical. I don’t really have any complaints on his performance but I wish there was more to it.
We do have friends that we go out with on occasion but I get tired of the same old routine. They always want to go to the same places. Dinner and a movie (blah).
I say he’s bored because, when we are home, we barely talk. There’s no anger; there’s just no conversation. We usually just end up going to our respective corners and doing our own thing – him with the TV and me with social media.
I see the type of relationships my friends have and sometimes I wish I could have or even do half of the things they do. I’m beginning to think that maybe we should both start considering other options when it comes to dating other people. What do you think?
Here’s my opinion:
8 years is a lot of time to spend in a relationship with someone. I’ve seen people leave their relationship for issues so much more serious than yours and so much less serious than yours. The question I think you should ask yourself is how much you really want to make this relationship work.
The number one problem that I have with what I read in your situation is that you compare your relationship to those of others. Just because it has wings doesn’t make it a butterfly and even butterflies go through a very hairy phase before they become the beauty that you see fluttering by.
You’re making a big mistake by thinking you can live the life of a neighbor or friend based on their cosmetic look. If only it were that easy to have exactly what you want placed at your feet in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
Relationships require work. As you transition from one stage to the next – when one year becomes two becomes three – you still have to work to make it what you want it to be not what your friends and neighbors want it to be.
Hmmm… I wonder if you would be willing to accept this notion if you found out your boyfriend wished this relationship was more like the relationship his friends had. I wonder if you would be willing to accept being compared to someone else. Somehow, I don’t think so. I know I wouldn’t like it.
Next, instead of assuming how you think he feels, why don’t you just ask? That would be a great conversational piece to fill in the gaps of non-communication time you have. Talk about what’s bothering you and what you would like to see change. It would also be beneficial to have some ideas on what you think will work.
If, on the other hand, you are done and ready to wash your hands of this relationship, bow out gracefully. Don’t try to find fault and play the blame game. Be honest. There’s no need to waste anymore of your or his time.
That’s my opinion.
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