Sistah-Girl, You’re Losing Yourself in that Relationship

New relationships are BAE! Committed relationships are goals but, sometimes, the road in between is r-o-c-k-y! Sometimes, to keep the peace, you feel like you need to modify this or change that…just as little bit. Soon you find yourself committed to change but the favor is rarely yours.

Eventually you give in to so much change that you find that you’re different, in a not so appealing way. You begin feeling like a lost stranger in your own relationship, maybe event to the point that your own family members have difficulty recognizing who you are.

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Losing yourself because of your relationship with someone is unhealthy and the epitome of unhappy.

Warning signs exist, but are you paying attention? If any of the following apply to you, it may be time to seriously rethink and reprioritize your position in your own and your relationship. Focus on how you want to improve the relationship and how you can move forward without doing more damage to your existence.

  1. You’re unhappy but scared to say it. One sign of an unhealthy relationship is that you’re unhappy but too afraid to mention it to your partner.
  • Being unhappy during a relationship is common, and it often occurs after an argument or other major event. However, if the unhappiness lasts for weeks or months, it’s a warning sign.
  • You want to be able to talk about your feelings freely, so not being able to share them shows that you’re losing yourself.


  1. You give in to all of their demands. From changing your work schedule to please them to never cooking your favorite foods because they don’t agree with them, it’s easy to fall into the trap of always meeting their demands. However, this is a big warning sign that you’re losing yourself.
  • Compromise is a normal part of a healthy relationship, but it has limits.
  • If your identity and other things that make you unique are disappearing in the relationship, then it’s no longer healthy.
  • If you’re always giving in, it may be a way to cope with the partner and keep the peace.
  • Unfortunately, this means that your own dreams and wishes get left behind. You may start to lose everything that makes you special because you don’t want to upset the other person or make them angry.


  1. You indulge in distractions. Watching television or checking social media can be a fun distraction. A small amount of these things is fine, but living in a distracted world is unhealthy.
  • Do you indulge in distractions to avoid thinking about your relationship?
  • Distractions can range from watching too many shows to reading tabloid magazines. They vary from person to person, but you can recognize them in your own life.
  • Many distractions are used to avoid thinking or dealing with difficult situations.


  1. Your own goals and dreams are gone. Do you look at your current life and feel like you’ve lost all of your passion or dreams?
  • Each person has specific goals, dreams, and passions that make them unique. It’s your greater vision that inspires you to get up and move forward.

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If you’ve lost yourself in a relationship, your dreams and goals can disappear.

  • You may be pushing your own dreams down to lift up your partner. You may also feel that there isn’t room in the relationship for your dreams or goals. However, your dreams can’t take a backseat forever.

The reasons for ignoring your wants and goals may include fear of upsetting the other person. You may also want to get their approval, so you may be afraid to share things that they may not like or agree with completely.

Pay attention to the warning signs that you’re losing yourself in a relationship. If you feel like your own identity is getting lost for the sake of your partner, try to work out some new ways to communicate with each other. If you’re struggling, couple’s counseling may provide a solution or it may be time to move on.

Have you ever been in a situation where you lost yourself? What were your warning signs and how did you rectify them? Share below!


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