The Theatrics of Reality

Earlier this month-during the first snow of the season actually, I curled up on my couch under my favorite soft, warm and fuzzy blanket with a cup of chamomile vanilla tea and watched a movie titled Me Before You.

Unfortunately for my husband, he had to venture out that morning for work. Fortunately for my husband, him being at work allowed him to miss watching this movie with me.

An unspoken pact that I made with myself was that, this year, I was going to step out of my comfort zone (more like my holding cell). I was going to do new things, meet new people and build new relationships. In true baby step fashion, that’s exactly what I’m setting out to do.

As intended, I am making strides at purposely interacting with new people. It’s actually not so bad. Every now and again, however; the introvert in me taps me on the shoulder to ask me what the heck am I doing but, so far, I’ve been able to ignore the summoning of her call.

I have to admit that starting this blog has allowed me to come in contact with some interestingly talented individuals. This particular movie was not my usual genre of entertainment but it was a recommended watch by a fellow blogger so why not, right?

My blogger comrade wrote a review about the movie and I’m glad she did. I know you were probably expecting to hear me say the movie was awful. Especially since I mentioned that my husband was fortunate enough to not be able to see it. Well, it wasn’t and he was. This movie induced a waterworks convention that he would not have appreciated.

Under normal circumstances, I’m sure I would not have been moved by the sappy storyline of a romantic drama. Especially since I consider myself to be a horror movie connoisseur with a dash of mystery, splash of sci-fi and drop of fantasy.

ME voluntarily watch and enjoy a romance anything? Rubbish!! ME identify with the visibly subliminal message of something associated with a romance anything? PREPOSTEROUS!

But I did.

Me Before You made me think about the choices I made in my own life and the many moments realization confirmed that a change was needed.

“I don’t want you to be tied to me… to the restrictions on my life. I don’t want you to miss out on the things someone else could give you.”                         -Will Traynor, Me Before You.

The light bulb turns on.💡

It took a long time before I realized that person was me. I was the someone else who could give me the things I was missing out on. I was the one who had mentally handcuffed myself to the restrictions of someone else’s life and tried to grow based on his limits; not realizing that my limits hadn’t even been born yet and his wasn’t equipped to be stretched-at least not to the reaches of my potential.

Don’t get your undies in a bunch. This is not a feminist statement. It’s a realist observation.

I don’t think you understand me so let me explain.

I spent many years (more than I care to specify) in a relationship filled with more violence and tears than I wish to remember but can’t forget. I spent years trying to get someone to see the good in me- to the point where I stopped seeing the good in myself. All that resonated to him about me was all the bad he saw in everyone else. Every step I took in a positive direction seemed to catapult him into a 180 degree paradox. Eventually turning me into a real life version of Disney’s Maleficent and sans my true ability to smile.

I get the ‘every relationship has its ups and downs’ spiel but neither one of us was able–come on, let’s just call a spade a spade– neither one of us was SMART ENOUGH to call quits to something that was supposed to have sizzled then fizzled after a few months. Given the history of that situationship, I can admit that I was broken.

How broken? Like the mother of every child who has ever skipped down the street and purposely stepped on a crack kind of broken. I’m pretty sure that a lot of who I little-girl-dreamed myself to be was dreamsnatched never to be seen again.

Maybe that’s not so accurate.

A dream can always be revamped. It just takes a strong mind to manifest it and a strong will to finalize it.

~Liz McKenzie

It wasn’t easy to find my ‘Alright! Enough is enough! See ya later… unless I see ya first’ breaking point. This was the one time when my high tolerance for pain and suffering was clueless; and my Mother Teresa love for humanity GPS lead me astray. Being forced to make the decision to bungee jump off a cliff or tear down the wall that was pushing me towards the cliff was my turning point.

With or without rope, I’m not jumping off of anything! The wall had to go. It was one of the scariest things I have done. Leaving the familiar, no matter how unhealthy, is not an easy thing. But let me tell you how fresh the air is on the other side. My ozone gained another layer.

So, to anyone who is being suffocated by the restrictions of someone else, I know I don’t know your situation. Your blues may not be like mine [were] but we share the same 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day. That time doesn’t wait and it’s not coming back. Find your potential and own it. You’re worth it!

“Live boldly. Push yourself. Don’t settle.”-Will Traynor, Me Before You