It’s almost here. In exactly 24 hours Valentine’s Day will officially commence. That one day of the year that’s supposed to showcase a lifetime of love.
Hmmm… Maybe that’s the problem…
Maybe people try to cram too much expectation into 1 out of 365 days of the year. Everyone wants to meet, date, get engaged, get married, buy a house, have children, grow old and die together ALL IN ONE DAY!
There was once a time when I fantasized about the fairy tale of love as well. Then reality knocked on the door. Relationships are much more than just celebrating Valentine’s Day. There’s a lot that has to go into turning a situationship into an actual relationship and making it last.
One of the most important things, I have found, that can secure the situationship/relationship dynamic just as quickly as it can tear it apart is communication.
Communication is a life necessity. There’s no way around it and there’s no substitute for it. It’s a part of everything we do- at work, at home, when we’re out shopping- you name it and communication is required. We communicate with friends, family, strangers and even our pets. (YES, I TALK TO MY FUR BABIES! DON’T JUDGE ME)!
The point I’m trying to make is that without communication the world would be at a standstill.
Uhhh, no, that’s not exactly correct… actually, that’s 100% incorrect.
If people fail to communicate with each other there will be a lot of motion…commotion that is! A chaotic smorgasbord of clutterfuck roaming the Earth. No one would be on the same page and nothing would be on track.
With that being said, imagine what poor communication, or lack thereof, can do for a relationship.
Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Now what?
Deciding to pursue a relationship with another individual is a big deal. So, if you’re in it for the long haul, it’s probably a good idea to squirt some lubrication on your communication hinge.
Nothing says disaster better than a relationship sans intimate articulation. It’s totally not ridiculous for both you and your significant other to have expectations and to get results. The best way-even if not always the easiest- to meet that demand is to talk it out. Make it HOT!
- Be Honest. Giving hints doesn’t always work and your partner is not a mind reader. Be clear about your plans for the future as well as your likes, dislikes and feelings. This is the foundation of your relationship. Don’t build it on false happiness.
- Be Open. Much like honesty, being open with your significant other helps strengthen the compatibility the two of you share. Share those things that are important to the growth of your relationship
- It’s a Two-way Street. The success of your relationship heavily relies on the team work that both of you will need to contribute to.
****Honest and Open Disclaimer: when you desire honesty and openness be sure you are ready for the truths it will reveal, especially when past relationships and habits are the subject. For some people, the epic dialogue from the film A Few Good Men rings true:
…”I want the truth”.
…”You can’t handle the truth”!
HOT talk is not the only rule of thumb for relationship goals. There’s no getting around serious issues and the worst thing you can do is play the avoidance card. Trust me, it WILL NOT go away. It WILL grow fangs and suck the blood right out of you. In these situations the best thing you can do is pull up your big boy/big girl britches and face it head on. THE RIGHT WAY.
- Patience and understanding are super powers. Be a superhero and use yours for the greater good of your relationship. The problem many of us have is that we want everyone to see things the way we see things. It would be perfect if our thoughts were the same and the way we expressed ourselves matched. Alas, perfect is not of this world. So, allow your partner to express themselves the best way they can. Recognize that the person in front of you is different and understand that their differences is what makes them unique. Listening with a patient ear instead of a hasty one opens the floor for more appropriate discussion.
- Minimize judgement. Passing judgement is not what communication is about and it will only succeed in pushing your relationship off the cliff with no parachute. You and your significant other deserve to feel comfortable when you’re ready to bare your soul to one another without fear that the other person will not be understanding of who you are.
- We Need To Talk. The four words that everyone dreads but shouldn’t.
》The Why. It should go without saying that there will always come a time where you or your significant other has something that is deemed to be of major importance. Whether it is something heavy or little on the lighter side, neither of you should be made to feel that your concern is of less importance.
》The How. To make those four words more audibly appealing timing is key. Attempting to address issues when you are at the height of anger is Kryptonite to your superpower (remember patience and understanding). Self-control is your responsibility and much like you would not be welcoming to anyone unhinged; you shouldn’t expect the welcome wagon when you come undone.
When you allow yourself to calm down your thoughts become clearer, your method of communication becomes better, and your superpower is enhanced. Anger is the master of manifestation in the worst way. Don’t let yourself or your relationship fall victim to it.
》The When. Demanding attention from someone and expecting a positive outcome right before or in the middle of a favorite activity or TV show… yeah…probably not a great idea. Ditto when company is around. Yeah. No. Don’t Do It!
Again, timing is key. Choosing a time when both of you are relaxed-but not tired- and free from distraction will maximize the potential for a positive outcome.
》The Where. Find a location that offers privacy with no interruptions. If being outdoors offers a more relaxing environment, take a walk and find an area where you can speak freely.
Good communication is a major component in both developing and maintaining a strong connection with your partner. It strengthens the sense of security and trust that is necessary to meet your emotional needs, helps eliminate mistakes made from previous relationships and secures the longevity of this relationship.