Where did I go? As I walk to the mirror to see what it shows. The face that looks back at me holds-
A resemblance of a girl I used to know. Her eyes, though the same color are darkly tinted with hurt and fear, blood and punishment,confusion and hate.
Her body wears scars of war. A war she physically survived but mentally she’s no more.
Teeth marks, stitches, scratches… Bruised by choking, palms, fists and feet… Knives, belts, bottles,chords…guns… She’s still here but doesn’t realize she already beat defeat.
Why? Only God knows why. Only God can make sense of the life he designed. Only God can describe the pieces he arranged for the puzzle of a life that’s mine.
Only God can describe all the work that he’s done to redirect the pieces of me that I destroyed because I felt…
Because I felt they didn’t belong.
Who was I to challenge God’s masterpiece design? To take it upon myself to edit any lines written by Him on what would become me- who I was then and who I was destined to be. Why couldn’t I recognize the disaster I would create and all the work He would have to put in to set my mess straight?
Why is the flesh so strong and the mind so weak? Why do we want more but want to do less to make it complete? Why do we blame others for our actions that become our mistakes? Our regrets that take over every moment we are awake.
What’s wrong with this place called Earth? Why are there so many wars? Why do I see so many men and women with potential behind bars? Why are women having babies for the color of his eyes to be raised up in the system and constantly fed lies?
Why are our boys becoming girls and our girls becoming guys? Where is mankind headed? Am I watching its demise? Rick is with Renee and Tina with Ty. Ty and Rick are in the closet and Tina has Sean, Mike, Derrick and Dave on the side.
Don’t forget Kim she wants a piece of that pie so she’s subtracting her value with all of them to make sure her light don’t die -but 8 a.m. the next morning she still standing on that welfare line. Why?
We’re birthing kings and queens but raising thugs and thots. Teaching our boys to wear makeup and our girls to grab their crotch. Where’s the love for others? Where’s the love of self? Where’s the savior for this generation? They can’t save themselves.
We have Pastors stealing money and Priests raping boys. Teachers bedding students and children mistaking guns for toys. Known murderers walking around free to kill again.
While somewhere A man lies dead.
41 Shots for the wallet that was in his hand.
Kids can’t play outside because the gangs are going to war. Then again they’re not safe inside because the bullets are busting through their windows and doors. You have parents deciding they can’t take it no more; leaving their children annihilated on the bathroom floor.
We’ve already lost trust and hope is fading fast. Don’t know about you but I’m tired of blaming my future on my past. We all want change-justice, equality, more food and money for the poor but when the opportunity knocks, we’re afraid to open the door.
As I look in the mirror I see the world in my eyes. I see all the confusion and hate that’s disguised-
As love for our friends for our families for ourselves but all it is-is a bounty that we collect for someone else.
We don’t gain fame for hating ourselves or each other. That news coverage make us infamous gracing mugshot books, obituaries, and America’s Most Wanted Covers.
It’s sad and it hurts. All I do is cry. I wonder if I’ll ever see a change before I die. If not in others then definitely with myself but I have to realize that I can’t just sit here and wait because this circle of life can’t change itself.